artistry or just insanity?

ok now imhappy be cause no one knows thative changed the addie of this beatufiul creature...:)
its myonly hope to survive insonmnia



ok so here we go..im not sad...for all those you are reading this..
i ve come to think that happyness is a journey and when you get to that end theres nothing left for u to do but die.. so.. i wanna live..and u cant be creative when ur happy.. so..there.. i mean if ur happy with everythign in ur life.. theres nothgin that ud want to fix.. nothign ud want to do.. thus nothing for you to do and ur left with out a purpose....therefore wanting to die...

i dont want to die...not until my time comes .. when there no more words to misspell or cardboardd to steel or songs to write or projects to finish... and most important... people who want to get a kick on their journey to happyness or some comforting on the way...

i dont want to sugar coat peoples lifes.. i i think at one point in time i was doing this... i wanted to keep every thing int he inocent mind frame that i wanted to still live in.. well that got stolen.. and no matter how hard u try... ur gonna have to grow up.. at least on the out side.. so if the inside is what matters.. then u dont have to fully grow up there.. :)

think like children.....cus all the wonder of the world shall be urs....

but serious.ly... ur gonna have to make it some how.. and i cant be there holding ur hand.. not to be selfish but if i dont spend time on me... (which i have been known to do in the past) i loose track of my time and life and both of us shall be in such a whole... that its like shakespeare to get out of the climax...i want people to realize waht they can do for themselfs first... i wanna show them.. ..

if icant learn with out my mistakes.. then i betchu the other person shure as hell cant eiether.....
u have to fall to have new skin....
u have to die to live again...-now that is biblical my friends


and yes i am faithfull...
i am full of faith hope and love the three greatest gifts
i may not seem religious.. but if god told me to do something id jump...
thats faith... not looking at other people cus they jsut hapen to not go to church every sunday
and dress up so other people can see you .. god really doesnt care how u dress.. god has seen u naked... thats how he/she knows u .. he didnt make the clothing on ur back... the make the cells in ur scalp...


and back to a deaper thing..
(i bet ive answered none of my topics so far ...)

the name of the blog is artistry or insanity... be cause right now in my life im trrying to decifer what is art and what is just plan crazyness.. what is the difference be tween shooting ur self in the foot for art... or doing it for self deprication....i really want to kno...
i dont want to get approval or dissapproval for things ive accomplished but i just want to kno the underlying stand of the matter...


and i dont be lieve this is a forced thing..
im not saying im an artist.. but i kno i want to be one one day... that is a earth shaking title....
and i think im done for tonight...
i can sleep again...

its 5 on a sunday morning.. and its cold...
hello my dearest heating pad

ONLY SILLLY PEOPLE READ THIS>>>>

YOU READER>>> WHO EVER YOU ARE SHOULD BE DOING SOMETHING ELSE RIGHT NOW THAN WASTING YOUR TIME WITH SOME MEANING LESS POEMS OF THOUGHT AND EMOTIONS





THIS IS ONLY A STAGE
SO DONT BE LIEVE ALL U SEE ON TV OR WHAT U READ ON THE INTRANET





that is just foolish

something ive learned......

ITS ALL FOR THE BEST



When you feel sad, or under a curse
Your life is bad, your prospects are worse
Your wife is sighing, crying,
And your olive tree is dying,
Temples are graying, and teeth are decaying
And creditors weighing your purse...
Your mood and your robe
Are both a deep blue
You'd bet that Job
Had nothing on you...
Don't forget that when you get to
Heaven you'll be blessed..
Yes, it's all for the best...

DAYS

hold me tight
keep me cool
going mad
dont know what to do
do i need a friend?
well i need one now
all the days of my life
all the days of my life
all the days i owe you
all ive done
ive done for me
all you gave
u gave for free
i gave nothing in return
and theres little left of me
all the days of my life
all the days of my life
all the days i owe you
in red eyed pain im knocking on your door again
my crazy brain in tangles,
pleading for your gentle voice
these storms keep pounding through my head and heart
i pray that youll southe my sorry soul
all the days of my life
all the days of my life
all the days i owe YOU


-david bowie

the insomniac got it lucky

its like 3'30 in the morning
and i honestly need to talk to someone
theres jsut to much shit in my head...



eh...i think i just need to cry ...
yea... been tired
been drunk
i should start doing drugs
at least id be happy and stupid
instead of just stupid

im just not happy with my self
but no one can change that except me



yea... so i watched secretary last night




that was really funny.....in an ironic sense...


watch it.. and tell me how u think it may have relavence to my life right now...
and then look at my upper arm


i really need to play the piano...i feel empty
or just sick to my stomach..
maybe the pain is an alser...
hell i wouldnt be suprised


i need money
to pay for school
if u kno how much eggs are going for now adays tellme... i woulnd mind selling them
at this point
im not gonna have a chance to use them properly so...


how much are kidneys going for too?
lungs may come in handy so i wont sell that
how bout my heart... is that legal?
i mean i wouldnt be missing much...
damn thing only gets me in trouble or hurt any way


i have writing all over my legs and arms...

some as to remember shit
some to demote myself...
cut on the dotted line
x marks the needle spot....


i wish it were so glamorous








hey guess what


STRUH EVOL

fin

u said u are the highest apple in the tree



thers a lot i cant say
theres a lot you cant see
and if i want you to be happy i guess this is that back road

the sunshine walking in side you
and the men who can see in me
so i remeber me
and i rember you

hey look at that horizon
hey look at that cloud
hey look at ur future
its there for u
its there
it always has been
just like my love for u


and i rember you


id play the guitar but id choke on the strings
i guess im thewrongapple
but is just a big fruit salade
and u have to move on to the orange
but rember ur the fork
picking your own path
take it or leave it
cus u may break my heart
leave me a side of jelly
without the gelatin part

water doesnt give a damn
but i do

i guess thats i problem
and im falling.. but
its not ur fault
its nobodys but my own
and im gonna die one day
but im gonna be an artist first
shoot my self in the heart
and call it for culture
call it for the love of humanity


what am i trying to prove...
ive already forgot...
i hope it was important
but it probly wasnt....
just like half the things i say..


i used to have meaning.. but due to demeening of the sorce
one loses path one looses coarse
one finds a rain bow with achored by a feminate boy
one finds prince charming at the villa savoy
one bleeds for no reason and can call it art

im lost in some big kitchaid mixer
and im waiting to bake

















i love.......when i shouldnt

i'll start this off without any words
i got so high that i scratched til i bled
i love mysel better than you
i know it's wrong so what should i do?


all apologies for somethng that may not even be about you
i wish i could act my shoe size but u kno yoll only get steped on from such

what can i say
every one is gay


what do u want from me
if u take the time to read this then u must have saved the world already
cus u know all these typed words are a waste of ur life
why done u feed the starving or urself


ukno its in the bible
u cant love others untill u love ur self

"love thy neighbor as u love thy self..." if u dont love u then u dont love anyone else....u only try to fill the void of emptiness in side your heart..

im so full
im so full
im bleeding love
on my upper arm

i cant say its for you
or for anyliving thing
but its there
and theres nothing anyone can do about it
its like the rain
it happens


but for some un dietyc reason...
youve stoped happening
youve stopped living

i wake up to pointing fingers
if u cant help ur self by now... what can i tell you
i was there
un till i was unwanted

think before u talk
but do be fore you think
the actions may speak louder than words
but words can kill with wispers


thanku
what am i suposed to say
waht do u want from me

i just wanna kno







can u hear me from ur pedastool david?
im sorry im still an incomplete slave off in the carrera montagna


its a hard day for breathing again
im not going back to the assholes
who made me a perfect display
of random act of hopelessness
i wish i could stay here
killy or rily

razor blade blues


my heart is filled with hate
isnt that beautiful
like ur once beautiful skin
i realize that destruction is a cleansing
im cleaning my self from you

you may think im crazy
that it all was a very long time ago
but ur spit is still inside me
and need to crash


im tired of this
u have no more sympathy from me
no more symphony from me
i can bleed all i want
and loose ur disease
give me some wooden teeth and slugs


give me a new
give me a new
get away from me
dont say what u really dont mean
im done with the falsities of ur eyes
ur culture
ur tongue
im prejudice due to ur awful lips
the devils own are much less selfish


i will never burn for you
i will never die for you
i m done with you
im done with you
im FINISHED

is this really happening happening happening


some days
sundays
u just wish that
its you
findinging that
tampon
with ur foot
and flying down
a set of cement stairs
to sleep
the only thing uve ever really needed


maybe i wear my hat low
to cover my face
to hide my eyes
and the tears they harbor
its a grand old tea party
lets hoot and hollar
as we parade around
mascarade

its all the same

we are all stupid damnudged goods

everything is comin up roses

and im on my own
live with an exacto blade
and a guitar to hold

reaping for the remix


im freezing
sleeping with heating pads
find more afliction with gutters
gotta get whole
gotta get out
get sun
get some
get love
what
i dont think so
thats not a real word
ur a fool
ur nothing in a nothing world
its funny
i like the beach boys too
retarded
off like a high school prom dress
in and out of circles
maybe just rollercoaster
psycho killa
kissing with out saliva
liva
living
no existo
hes cute
im sterile
i wanna take u home with me every single day
to show u
to hold u
to have u
to own you
to kill me

thats it
pretty much
pretty like ur face
like ur lips when we kissed
like your eyes with that shirt
when u said wake up
when the phone rang
when u were on the line
when i was differential
and u were just fine















we are all just fine
in this house of chards

knock knock

































































































































orange











































































































































orange u glad u kno the scoll button works!