Saturday, June 14, 2003
DEAl with IT
L WITH i want the world to kno that im starting a new life... im on a diet.. im retaking classes and im making choices...im gonna be where i want to be... i m tired of little winey boys who feel that the need a bosem to rest upon and as soon as i am suckered in to offering mine i m the one walking out of the phsych ward....im dune with that
... im done with you .. im sorry but deal with it
only people who deal with stuff get anywar and im sooo damn tired of being pusshed asside.. i deserve more... i should get more credit... i work my ass off for what? to be ridiculed by u and ur controling words.. sorrry huny .. thats why i didnt like boys int he first place... ass.. i mean give me a break.. im no longer urs.. and if u weren such and ass about it.. everything would be just peachy but .. oh no... so now its ur turn to deal... i have my cards and im walking away .. i dont have the ace or face cards but u kno what im making yea with out you.. dont u ever touch me again.. im make shure u never have to see me a gain either u kno... it will be fine.. i made my mistake.. and im learning... but.. where are u ? where is ur head at? ur stuck worshiping ur self.. ur no damn golding cow.. let me eat me meat in peace.... no one has control over me hunny.. this me we are talking about... im not taking any more shit.. im dun.. u were the last chance.. and im dun.. im not going after anything anymore... u want this .. well go fetch bitch... ok? ok. that nice.. no go jack off to ur bath room with mold and filth and songs.. listen to new music son.. not the same shit over and over and over.. its tryerin after a while...
i know where i wanna be.. and that is not in ur arms...
L WITH i want the world to kno that im starting a new life... im on a diet.. im retaking classes and im making choices...im gonna be where i want to be... i m tired of little winey boys who feel that the need a bosem to rest upon and as soon as i am suckered in to offering mine i m the one walking out of the phsych ward....im dune with that
... im done with you .. im sorry but deal with it
only people who deal with stuff get anywar and im sooo damn tired of being pusshed asside.. i deserve more... i should get more credit... i work my ass off for what? to be ridiculed by u and ur controling words.. sorrry huny .. thats why i didnt like boys int he first place... ass.. i mean give me a break.. im no longer urs.. and if u weren such and ass about it.. everything would be just peachy but .. oh no... so now its ur turn to deal... i have my cards and im walking away .. i dont have the ace or face cards but u kno what im making yea with out you.. dont u ever touch me again.. im make shure u never have to see me a gain either u kno... it will be fine.. i made my mistake.. and im learning... but.. where are u ? where is ur head at? ur stuck worshiping ur self.. ur no damn golding cow.. let me eat me meat in peace.... no one has control over me hunny.. this me we are talking about... im not taking any more shit.. im dun.. u were the last chance.. and im dun.. im not going after anything anymore... u want this .. well go fetch bitch... ok? ok. that nice.. no go jack off to ur bath room with mold and filth and songs.. listen to new music son.. not the same shit over and over and over.. its tryerin after a while...
i know where i wanna be.. and that is not in ur arms...
Friday, June 13, 2003
12/8/02
fragile eys
snow melts my tears
hope my womanhood isnt mesured
in how i cant paint my nails
im not a girl
i want my momie
i want u
i want to be happy one day
happily ever after
under earth maybe
im not a clean sheet
the lead has seaped throu my fibers
ive tried to recover
but some just dont like eraser marks
and im full of them
cant i fold up and fly away
like some 4th grade airplane?
the puncter marks sometimes still bleed
the juice of life
my biological history
flowing
clotting
heart stopping
wrinkles in my heart
beat
beat
beat tired
my eyes cant stand it anymore
the mirror shatters before me
im everywhere
my foot leave a river of pain
what do i gain from all this waiting
this constant pasing
wearing the earth
rebirth
rebirth
sleep in a fetal position
blood shot marshmellows
in the snowmans face
melt
melt
puddle
im back
earth
me
one....
fragile eys
snow melts my tears
hope my womanhood isnt mesured
in how i cant paint my nails
im not a girl
i want my momie
i want u
i want to be happy one day
happily ever after
under earth maybe
im not a clean sheet
the lead has seaped throu my fibers
ive tried to recover
but some just dont like eraser marks
and im full of them
cant i fold up and fly away
like some 4th grade airplane?
the puncter marks sometimes still bleed
the juice of life
my biological history
flowing
clotting
heart stopping
wrinkles in my heart
beat
beat
beat tired
my eyes cant stand it anymore
the mirror shatters before me
im everywhere
my foot leave a river of pain
what do i gain from all this waiting
this constant pasing
wearing the earth
rebirth
rebirth
sleep in a fetal position
blood shot marshmellows
in the snowmans face
melt
melt
puddle
im back
earth
me
one....
the story of now
2/15/02
what is so wrong about me
that u run away
do i smell?
do i stink?
am i fat?
too short?
not blond?
is my skin too dark for you?
i dont throw myself on u
i cant
with due respect to me
my family
all of the women in the world
but i do love u
maybe with all my heart
maybe even with all my soul
but u just walk away
i dont exist
u have more important things to do
better people to be with
u just dont have time
suposidly
commitment is not what i want
why whould we be banded together
so fresh in our years
just take a chance on me
im the new drug to try
im the underground resturant
im the indie band
did i ever step on ur toe?
spit in ur face?
treated u with the greatest of honor
and respect?
have i ever harmed u?
cheated u?
givin u everything i possibly could?
but still
im not good enough
u talk to me through others
never letting the words roll off ur own lips
messages through innocent friends
only to reach my ears hours later
"im real" u tell urself in ur head
but u cant even do ur own dirty work
it would be so much easier if u would just
stand up and talk to me.
damnit
lost and confused
i dont know what to do
tears fall but i have no control of them
back in my room
under the covers
with my pen
with my notebook
sleep and prayers
living in my dreams
another lifetime
2/15/02
what is so wrong about me
that u run away
do i smell?
do i stink?
am i fat?
too short?
not blond?
is my skin too dark for you?
i dont throw myself on u
i cant
with due respect to me
my family
all of the women in the world
but i do love u
maybe with all my heart
maybe even with all my soul
but u just walk away
i dont exist
u have more important things to do
better people to be with
u just dont have time
suposidly
commitment is not what i want
why whould we be banded together
so fresh in our years
just take a chance on me
im the new drug to try
im the underground resturant
im the indie band
did i ever step on ur toe?
spit in ur face?
treated u with the greatest of honor
and respect?
have i ever harmed u?
cheated u?
givin u everything i possibly could?
but still
im not good enough
u talk to me through others
never letting the words roll off ur own lips
messages through innocent friends
only to reach my ears hours later
"im real" u tell urself in ur head
but u cant even do ur own dirty work
it would be so much easier if u would just
stand up and talk to me.
damnit
lost and confused
i dont know what to do
tears fall but i have no control of them
back in my room
under the covers
with my pen
with my notebook
sleep and prayers
living in my dreams
another lifetime
Welcome to the Real World Kid
3/15/02
trapped I say
who am I but a dog in a cage
barking and scratching for a roll in the hay
to find a bitch
to be the bitch
to run
to play
to piss on walls
to live where the leaves don’t fall
remove me from this green walled hell
this peculiar institution that degrades my melodies
remove me from the hungry pigs with their painted faces
smiling faces tell lies in every respect
your friend turn fiend to save their own neck
didn’t I cloth u? as you stab my bear back
didn’t I feed u ? as you spit in my face
didn’t I love u? as you run from me as a barren stream
no more shall I be your carpet
no more am I the stone to help you cross the creek
no more am I the jacket of a chivalrous man
to prevent your pearly white feet from being speckled
with the mud you’re made of
oh no
no more
you have made your monster.
you have baked this cake.
I hope you choke on it.
3/15/02
trapped I say
who am I but a dog in a cage
barking and scratching for a roll in the hay
to find a bitch
to be the bitch
to run
to play
to piss on walls
to live where the leaves don’t fall
remove me from this green walled hell
this peculiar institution that degrades my melodies
remove me from the hungry pigs with their painted faces
smiling faces tell lies in every respect
your friend turn fiend to save their own neck
didn’t I cloth u? as you stab my bear back
didn’t I feed u ? as you spit in my face
didn’t I love u? as you run from me as a barren stream
no more shall I be your carpet
no more am I the stone to help you cross the creek
no more am I the jacket of a chivalrous man
to prevent your pearly white feet from being speckled
with the mud you’re made of
oh no
no more
you have made your monster.
you have baked this cake.
I hope you choke on it.
the greatest gift
4/23/01
Here I stand-- with heart in hand,
Shinning in your dismay.
"For you and your eyes only"
The note precisely does say.
If you so desire to quench this fire
Or save for a rainy day,
Please tell soon for this river runs short
And swift seconds fly away.
4/23/01
Here I stand-- with heart in hand,
Shinning in your dismay.
"For you and your eyes only"
The note precisely does say.
If you so desire to quench this fire
Or save for a rainy day,
Please tell soon for this river runs short
And swift seconds fly away.
I am the frail baby oak
10/13/98
I am the frail baby oak,
Twisting me through spring winds.
I, so naive and innocent,
Am browbeaten for these sins.
The wild vibrant west winds, forever pulling,
Stretching my weary branches to reach new fruits,
While the opposing east winds, written in stone,
Keep my roots to the earth, heeding their absolutes.
The tempest of my environment overwhelms
As I am lost in my own shadow.
Calling back my leaves as they part away,
I seek my salvation, lost long ago.
The cold is creeping closer to my bare bark.
Shake, I do shake for gulping fear of the future.
The devastating reality bearing the child fate.
Tremble, I do tremble to see not this creature.
I run but cannot hide from its monumental power,
Endlessly tempting and enticing.
Death has come with its peaceful surroundings
Burying me under soft icing.
10/13/98
I am the frail baby oak,
Twisting me through spring winds.
I, so naive and innocent,
Am browbeaten for these sins.
The wild vibrant west winds, forever pulling,
Stretching my weary branches to reach new fruits,
While the opposing east winds, written in stone,
Keep my roots to the earth, heeding their absolutes.
The tempest of my environment overwhelms
As I am lost in my own shadow.
Calling back my leaves as they part away,
I seek my salvation, lost long ago.
The cold is creeping closer to my bare bark.
Shake, I do shake for gulping fear of the future.
The devastating reality bearing the child fate.
Tremble, I do tremble to see not this creature.
I run but cannot hide from its monumental power,
Endlessly tempting and enticing.
Death has come with its peaceful surroundings
Burying me under soft icing.
The Invisible Man
11/18/00
Late at night,
he walked through the door.
Only the dog stayed up
in hope of treats.
He ate the food
left out on the stove
saved from a diner six hours before,
climbed the stairs
in the moonlit darkness,
kissed his children
on the forehead,
silently crept to bed.
A decade gone--
Big Bird and Minnie Mouse
are replaced by boys and bands.
Floating through the motions
he appears at
recitals, plays, holidays,
ephemeral events.
The rooms are empty
Diplomas hang framed.
The invisible man
reminisces about days
that never were.
Restless nights
leave him sleepwalking,
searching,
yearning,
for his invisible children.
11/18/00
Late at night,
he walked through the door.
Only the dog stayed up
in hope of treats.
He ate the food
left out on the stove
saved from a diner six hours before,
climbed the stairs
in the moonlit darkness,
kissed his children
on the forehead,
silently crept to bed.
A decade gone--
Big Bird and Minnie Mouse
are replaced by boys and bands.
Floating through the motions
he appears at
recitals, plays, holidays,
ephemeral events.
The rooms are empty
Diplomas hang framed.
The invisible man
reminisces about days
that never were.
Restless nights
leave him sleepwalking,
searching,
yearning,
for his invisible children.
I FIND YOU
3/23/00
My world spins--
Vigorously,
As the black cloak engulfs this soul.
Then, I close my eyes--
And I see you.
My eyes tear in fear,
As I am blinded by the vast fog.
I shield my face--
Yet, I find you.
As the whirlwind sends chills up my spine,
Belligerently--
Stripping me of my hope.
You come--
Clothing me again.
The river rises--
Imprisoning my essence,
Drowning in the muddy water--
Life ripped away.
But someone threw a preserver--
It was you.
The angel--
Ushering me through destiny’s path
The golden shield--
Sheltering me from Hell’s fire.
The mist of light in the darkness--
All are you.
3/23/00
My world spins--
Vigorously,
As the black cloak engulfs this soul.
Then, I close my eyes--
And I see you.
My eyes tear in fear,
As I am blinded by the vast fog.
I shield my face--
Yet, I find you.
As the whirlwind sends chills up my spine,
Belligerently--
Stripping me of my hope.
You come--
Clothing me again.
The river rises--
Imprisoning my essence,
Drowning in the muddy water--
Life ripped away.
But someone threw a preserver--
It was you.
The angel--
Ushering me through destiny’s path
The golden shield--
Sheltering me from Hell’s fire.
The mist of light in the darkness--
All are you.
NARCISSUS
9/10/99
Narcissus, Narcissus!
How you flower fast!
Growing and budding
To be the best of them all,
Leaving the rest of us passed.
Yet, Narcissus, Narcissus,
Some day, you will see,
For appearance and glamour
Fall to be false.
You shall awake to reality.
So, Narcissus, Narcissus,
When lost your perfect design,
Then you will find-
You are not better than me.
Our truth shall be shown with time.
9/10/99
Narcissus, Narcissus!
How you flower fast!
Growing and budding
To be the best of them all,
Leaving the rest of us passed.
Yet, Narcissus, Narcissus,
Some day, you will see,
For appearance and glamour
Fall to be false.
You shall awake to reality.
So, Narcissus, Narcissus,
When lost your perfect design,
Then you will find-
You are not better than me.
Our truth shall be shown with time.
SUMMER’S FLING
2/23/98
You will love me one day
And hate me the very next.
This love will not last forever.
Tis to be, as was with the rest.
You will think that you love me,
My image constant in your mind,
Wishing I were with you always.
Yet, slowly, I am left behind.
I then shall be the forgotten one,
Leftovers from a one night stand,
A distant memory, long tucked away.
This is true with every typical man.
As we sit here in this forbidden sandbar,
Now you grasp why the answer is no.
I love you deeply, your beauty and grace,
But, with you at sundown, I simply cannot go.
2/23/98
You will love me one day
And hate me the very next.
This love will not last forever.
Tis to be, as was with the rest.
You will think that you love me,
My image constant in your mind,
Wishing I were with you always.
Yet, slowly, I am left behind.
I then shall be the forgotten one,
Leftovers from a one night stand,
A distant memory, long tucked away.
This is true with every typical man.
As we sit here in this forbidden sandbar,
Now you grasp why the answer is no.
I love you deeply, your beauty and grace,
But, with you at sundown, I simply cannot go.
HOPELESS I AM NOT
12/28/97
I stare into the eternal night,
Thinking of where you may be,
As I ponder the reason why you are there,
And if you may be thinking of me.
My imagination is aflame with wonder,
And my heart filled with fiery passion,
Thinking of you and what you are doing,
Visualizing a pure or DEVILISH action.
Hoping that a ghost town jail,
Is not the shelter you take for the night.
Nor resting at hell's door,
Erasing the grin you give to my life.
Yet you may ask why I do so,
Because it is only you I see.
I would be so possessed as to say "I Love You",
If only you would, in a reflection of me.
12/28/97
I stare into the eternal night,
Thinking of where you may be,
As I ponder the reason why you are there,
And if you may be thinking of me.
My imagination is aflame with wonder,
And my heart filled with fiery passion,
Thinking of you and what you are doing,
Visualizing a pure or DEVILISH action.
Hoping that a ghost town jail,
Is not the shelter you take for the night.
Nor resting at hell's door,
Erasing the grin you give to my life.
Yet you may ask why I do so,
Because it is only you I see.
I would be so possessed as to say "I Love You",
If only you would, in a reflection of me.
THE HEARTBREAK AFTER-SHOCK
10/7/97
The water flows down
Hard on my soul,
Big as boulders denting my heart.
I see him standing there...
On the dimmed cold street.
His love lost, his hope gone,
Sullen and slouched, he waits...
He waits of someone
To kiss him goodnight,
To hold him and care for him,
To tell him “It’s goanna be alright”.
His aura, a moon through forbidding clouds,
Is cluttered by his misery mope,
By his poignant tears of torturer...
I approach his lonely limp figure,
Arm and heart ajar.
Condoling and cradling him
As if my very own,
I remain till the sun exposes us.
10/7/97
The water flows down
Hard on my soul,
Big as boulders denting my heart.
I see him standing there...
On the dimmed cold street.
His love lost, his hope gone,
Sullen and slouched, he waits...
He waits of someone
To kiss him goodnight,
To hold him and care for him,
To tell him “It’s goanna be alright”.
His aura, a moon through forbidding clouds,
Is cluttered by his misery mope,
By his poignant tears of torturer...
I approach his lonely limp figure,
Arm and heart ajar.
Condoling and cradling him
As if my very own,
I remain till the sun exposes us.
LATE
10/15/00
My watch picks my every beat.
Stomach in throat, I await
till my prefabricated fate is in view.
The seconds are but small spiders
crawling up my spine.
My foot counts an ominous beat,
not resting to ease the fire in my calve.
Sweat slivers off the back of my neck.
Sitting on a cold park bench,
the wind blows through my hair.
I close my eyes and open my mind.
In solitude, I beg...
I beg for condolence-
I pray for a lasting resolution-
I pray for the reassurance of his arrival-
I pray for our future together-
I pray for the safety of what I hold in me-
I pray for the removal of the knot in my heart-
I pray for courage to fare the right action-
I pray for facility of what must be done.
Of in the distance,
A rustling of leaves can be heard.
His foot steps slowly draw closer.
I open my eyes as he sits next to me.
“I’m sorry, I’m late”, he whispered.
“So am I... ”
10/15/00
My watch picks my every beat.
Stomach in throat, I await
till my prefabricated fate is in view.
The seconds are but small spiders
crawling up my spine.
My foot counts an ominous beat,
not resting to ease the fire in my calve.
Sweat slivers off the back of my neck.
Sitting on a cold park bench,
the wind blows through my hair.
I close my eyes and open my mind.
In solitude, I beg...
I beg for condolence-
I pray for a lasting resolution-
I pray for the reassurance of his arrival-
I pray for our future together-
I pray for the safety of what I hold in me-
I pray for the removal of the knot in my heart-
I pray for courage to fare the right action-
I pray for facility of what must be done.
Of in the distance,
A rustling of leaves can be heard.
His foot steps slowly draw closer.
I open my eyes as he sits next to me.
“I’m sorry, I’m late”, he whispered.
“So am I... ”
MELANCHOLY REMEMBERANCE
3/24/99
The tropical tempest in this sullen heart,
With its lightning and wild thunder,
Forever pounding, pounding, immense,
Continues to remind me of blunder.
First came the jarring drizzle,
Followed by the harmful hail
So caused swelling, swelling, till my
Threadbare beat was a great whale.
Then, the animals started to chant
Of their insecure lives, so secret,
Constant echoing, echoing, in my
Inner chambers, gorged with regret,
Sends winds through this forest.
As they fill me with fright,
Shadows, of the forbidden time,
Remain throughout the night.
3/24/99
The tropical tempest in this sullen heart,
With its lightning and wild thunder,
Forever pounding, pounding, immense,
Continues to remind me of blunder.
First came the jarring drizzle,
Followed by the harmful hail
So caused swelling, swelling, till my
Threadbare beat was a great whale.
Then, the animals started to chant
Of their insecure lives, so secret,
Constant echoing, echoing, in my
Inner chambers, gorged with regret,
Sends winds through this forest.
As they fill me with fright,
Shadows, of the forbidden time,
Remain throughout the night.
THE SIGHT OF LOVE IN A GLANCE
1/13/99
Shall I sail the seven seas with you,
Far beyond where my dreams end to?
Will you nurture me as I grow
Through your cradling light and virtue?
As I float in your deep eyes,
I ride on the clouds of your voice.
Wait...in wonder...
Deeply, I ponder...
Is this a yes...no..
Maybe.. Might?
No...no.. It is not right,
Not the time nor the night.
I am too young and you are too old.
This is wrong I am told.
So I must wait,
Til the stars once again collide
To see if I may be by your side.
1/13/99
Shall I sail the seven seas with you,
Far beyond where my dreams end to?
Will you nurture me as I grow
Through your cradling light and virtue?
As I float in your deep eyes,
I ride on the clouds of your voice.
Wait...in wonder...
Deeply, I ponder...
Is this a yes...no..
Maybe.. Might?
No...no.. It is not right,
Not the time nor the night.
I am too young and you are too old.
This is wrong I am told.
So I must wait,
Til the stars once again collide
To see if I may be by your side.
LOVE SONG POPPY
Chances come, (coda)
Chances go,
Why I fell for you
I shall never know.
Love is here,
Love is gone,
I have kissed it
Good-bye, good luck, so long.
“Why didn’t it work? (refrain)
What went wrong?”
We were so tight
Till your whore came along.
Like a dove
Flying through the night
She's consumed you
Taking you from my sight.
Heaven above
Hell below
Can't believe you did that
Say it ain't so.
Say it ain't sooo...
Say it ain't sooo...
Say it ain't sooo...
Say it ain't sooo...
Say it ain't sooo...
Asked to come back to me
Answered Hell noooo!
(coda)
Chances come, (coda)
Chances go,
Why I fell for you
I shall never know.
Love is here,
Love is gone,
I have kissed it
Good-bye, good luck, so long.
“Why didn’t it work? (refrain)
What went wrong?”
We were so tight
Till your whore came along.
Like a dove
Flying through the night
She's consumed you
Taking you from my sight.
Heaven above
Hell below
Can't believe you did that
Say it ain't so.
Say it ain't sooo...
Say it ain't sooo...
Say it ain't sooo...
Say it ain't sooo...
Say it ain't sooo...
Asked to come back to me
Answered Hell noooo!
(coda)
LITTLE TOWN OF TEARS
4/6/00
One... two... twenty-five,
In the vast heavens do remain.
As they blossomed into lilies,
They were torn from the earth
And disposed of by hell’s power.
Satan had ran amuck this day
Before the setting sun.
Such a sin for god’s gift to end this way,
Embroiled, pithy, with a bang.
Cold, bleak, the two-ton air hinders each breath.
I see the family, in rhetorical speech
Father pleads, “WHY?!”
And Mother simply cries...
Hoping her nightmares are false.
Sharp sounds of pain echo,
Echo though their hearts.
Contritely comforting,
I give prayer and love
To sooth the devilry devouring us.
But, constant in every blink,
Lingers the only essence,
The dark knight’s ever presence.
4/6/00
One... two... twenty-five,
In the vast heavens do remain.
As they blossomed into lilies,
They were torn from the earth
And disposed of by hell’s power.
Satan had ran amuck this day
Before the setting sun.
Such a sin for god’s gift to end this way,
Embroiled, pithy, with a bang.
Cold, bleak, the two-ton air hinders each breath.
I see the family, in rhetorical speech
Father pleads, “WHY?!”
And Mother simply cries...
Hoping her nightmares are false.
Sharp sounds of pain echo,
Echo though their hearts.
Contritely comforting,
I give prayer and love
To sooth the devilry devouring us.
But, constant in every blink,
Lingers the only essence,
The dark knight’s ever presence.
so much love
12/10/02
so much love
i just couldnt show it
flowing from my eyes
down my cheaks
salting my lips
love means never having to say your sorry
there was so much love
we just didnt know it
caught in traffic
on a suburban highway
riding in silence
love means never having to say your sorry
so much love
i need u to see it
now that i see
ur body
lying beneath me
love means never having to say your sorry
there is so much love
i wish you could hear it
earth engulfed
cold marble headbord
doesnt permit it
im so sorry
12/10/02
so much love
i just couldnt show it
flowing from my eyes
down my cheaks
salting my lips
love means never having to say your sorry
there was so much love
we just didnt know it
caught in traffic
on a suburban highway
riding in silence
love means never having to say your sorry
so much love
i need u to see it
now that i see
ur body
lying beneath me
love means never having to say your sorry
there is so much love
i wish you could hear it
earth engulfed
cold marble headbord
doesnt permit it
im so sorry
im just...
12/7/02
lost in my own confussion
i dont like me any more
salt and frost bite dont mix
i miss u
i dont know what to think any more
constants arnt so constant
the carpet is fadding beneath me
im loosing my mind
i cant help it this time
theres no reason to be this way
ill beat it out of me
i need to learn to love me
i need to learn to love me
what am i ?
im extinct
im a lost breed
the delete kind
12/7/02
lost in my own confussion
i dont like me any more
salt and frost bite dont mix
i miss u
i dont know what to think any more
constants arnt so constant
the carpet is fadding beneath me
im loosing my mind
i cant help it this time
theres no reason to be this way
ill beat it out of me
i need to learn to love me
i need to learn to love me
what am i ?
im extinct
im a lost breed
the delete kind
meh
12/5/02
shlushy snow under toes
the chill reveals my under tones
my mentas cazms crak the scull
it took me soo long to get here
to be content
to love the chick in the mirror
why am i doubting it all?
my independence
my feministics
am i too much the boy?
12/5/02
shlushy snow under toes
the chill reveals my under tones
my mentas cazms crak the scull
it took me soo long to get here
to be content
to love the chick in the mirror
why am i doubting it all?
my independence
my feministics
am i too much the boy?
Christ mas
12/23/01
oh no
its xmas
cus we forgot
bout the christ long time ago
days are short
the dollar is too
as the traffic to the malls is long
jingle bells and platnum plastic cards
some convict awaits to hear
my child's wishes
as they smile for a 6 dollar photo
those days run by
behind my eyes of
freezing
kneeling in a stone chapel
saying novenas for those
under the RIP
buy me this
buy me that
the only green i have
is the green on hte christmas tree
that and the stamps
when the job dont pay more than min wage
no chance for education
when ur daddy got caught
for illegal immigration
but still i pray everynight
as momma said to
with my hail marys and our fathers
tho i ain getting farther
in the ecconomy
all i can do is hope
that my baby will have
a christmas more proper
than this present pauper one
merry CHRISTmas to all
and to all
a good night
12/23/01
oh no
its xmas
cus we forgot
bout the christ long time ago
days are short
the dollar is too
as the traffic to the malls is long
jingle bells and platnum plastic cards
some convict awaits to hear
my child's wishes
as they smile for a 6 dollar photo
those days run by
behind my eyes of
freezing
kneeling in a stone chapel
saying novenas for those
under the RIP
buy me this
buy me that
the only green i have
is the green on hte christmas tree
that and the stamps
when the job dont pay more than min wage
no chance for education
when ur daddy got caught
for illegal immigration
but still i pray everynight
as momma said to
with my hail marys and our fathers
tho i ain getting farther
in the ecconomy
all i can do is hope
that my baby will have
a christmas more proper
than this present pauper one
merry CHRISTmas to all
and to all
a good night
there's no cure for suicide
2/17/02
alcoholism seems so sweet
a perfect ending to a perfect defeat
in life, we search for each other
in death, we find each other
in rebirth, we do it all again
alittle bit wiser
but if my other has passed before me
where am i? but lost amongst the ashes
who am i? but one crying in insanity
what am i? but a lost and lonely soul
could i have saved?
could i still?
there's no cure for suicide
2/17/02
alcoholism seems so sweet
a perfect ending to a perfect defeat
in life, we search for each other
in death, we find each other
in rebirth, we do it all again
alittle bit wiser
but if my other has passed before me
where am i? but lost amongst the ashes
who am i? but one crying in insanity
what am i? but a lost and lonely soul
could i have saved?
could i still?
there's no cure for suicide
love
4/2/02
cut off my ear and call me van goah
im drifting thru starry nights
but theyre saving power and turned off my dreams
crashing thru the darkness...
where is it?
damnit!
another stubbed toe
on a glissoning piece of glass
and broken bottle
bathing in the moonlight
laughing at me
its naive victom
now bleeding in the wooing air
that's not it
back to the darkness
running into walls
lost my heart
droped it from my hands
in rhetorical speech
lacking what i want to give
someone something
where is it?
4/2/02
cut off my ear and call me van goah
im drifting thru starry nights
but theyre saving power and turned off my dreams
crashing thru the darkness...
where is it?
damnit!
another stubbed toe
on a glissoning piece of glass
and broken bottle
bathing in the moonlight
laughing at me
its naive victom
now bleeding in the wooing air
that's not it
back to the darkness
running into walls
lost my heart
droped it from my hands
in rhetorical speech
lacking what i want to give
someone something
where is it?
tomorrow remains forgotten
12/8/01
we had something lives live for we had something
but our Johnson and Johnson toes were chared from the coals
from the fire within us. within you. within me
we weren't ready
to start the world
you werent just another boy
i was just another girl
too afraid to speak
too afraid to love
tears cradle my in my nest of regret
lonely nights filled of ivory keys clashing
as i finally confess to you
a bleeding love unspoken
a token uncashed for the prize
but the prize fell off the shelf
discusted by the dust it collected
and shattered on the floor
from me living inside a door
black days starless nights
undercovers, appendiges held tight
cant scatch me nose if i wanted to
cant scratch the scabs underneath the wraps
open eyed, ghosts dance before me
red ghosts flooding out on tiled floor
need to scratch the ich on the wrist
finish what u start mama had said
red rivers flood back
u lifted me up
we danced in the light bulbs
we swam across my bed
but when i arrived sprawled out
and suspended
i remembered u were dead
12/8/01
we had something lives live for we had something
but our Johnson and Johnson toes were chared from the coals
from the fire within us. within you. within me
we weren't ready
to start the world
you werent just another boy
i was just another girl
too afraid to speak
too afraid to love
tears cradle my in my nest of regret
lonely nights filled of ivory keys clashing
as i finally confess to you
a bleeding love unspoken
a token uncashed for the prize
but the prize fell off the shelf
discusted by the dust it collected
and shattered on the floor
from me living inside a door
black days starless nights
undercovers, appendiges held tight
cant scatch me nose if i wanted to
cant scratch the scabs underneath the wraps
open eyed, ghosts dance before me
red ghosts flooding out on tiled floor
need to scratch the ich on the wrist
finish what u start mama had said
red rivers flood back
u lifted me up
we danced in the light bulbs
we swam across my bed
but when i arrived sprawled out
and suspended
i remembered u were dead
2408 james street
4/15/02
those summer days of lemonade
watergun renagades
10 speed bikes, quad trails
swimming pools, scar tales
take me back to another dream
where life was still what it seemed
when september rested forever away
and we'd never wake before mid-day
hiking thru the graveyard stones
the braves spent the night alone
shaking now beneath my sheets
my soul gropes ever newborn beat
callused from familiar roads
my feet itch for new aboads
for 18 years they troded along
every step unforgotten
fallen leaves may blow me afar
as i reach the sky, follow stars
no matter how much fame
i could never change my name
forever your, my humble home
always my heart you own
as i walk thru doors, down ailes
thanku for withstanding the miles
4/15/02
those summer days of lemonade
watergun renagades
10 speed bikes, quad trails
swimming pools, scar tales
take me back to another dream
where life was still what it seemed
when september rested forever away
and we'd never wake before mid-day
hiking thru the graveyard stones
the braves spent the night alone
shaking now beneath my sheets
my soul gropes ever newborn beat
callused from familiar roads
my feet itch for new aboads
for 18 years they troded along
every step unforgotten
fallen leaves may blow me afar
as i reach the sky, follow stars
no matter how much fame
i could never change my name
forever your, my humble home
always my heart you own
as i walk thru doors, down ailes
thanku for withstanding the miles
Its how u make me feel
4/30/02
the winter has frozen off parts of my heart
but spring has sprung
and im ready for my new life
under the stars
under the sun
tomarro remains forgotten
but no longer for me
waking up to a mirror
knowing its ok
breathing...
walking....
im living another day
walking around in free socks
from a psych ward
out on the morning grass...
free...
4/30/02
the winter has frozen off parts of my heart
but spring has sprung
and im ready for my new life
under the stars
under the sun
tomarro remains forgotten
but no longer for me
waking up to a mirror
knowing its ok
breathing...
walking....
im living another day
walking around in free socks
from a psych ward
out on the morning grass...
free...
yea hear me out
4/9/02
fix ur hair
loose some weight
maybe then
ull have a date
the same tirad every morning
why do i need to
who says
God?
u?
love me for me
every moment of the day
when im dolled up
to when i roll out of ur bed
im the same kid
from morning to night
from the wee black hours
u wont see another Eve
theres only one
me
4/9/02
fix ur hair
loose some weight
maybe then
ull have a date
the same tirad every morning
why do i need to
who says
God?
u?
love me for me
every moment of the day
when im dolled up
to when i roll out of ur bed
im the same kid
from morning to night
from the wee black hours
u wont see another Eve
theres only one
me
new
